This time of year is so hard for me. I love Spring. It is my favorite season. There is nothing like seeing the trees in bloom and the first colors of tulips and daffodils (one of my favorite flowers!). The grape hyacinths remind me of my grandmother and playing in her yard.
This is also super tough. April 1 is the anniversary of my Dad's death and April 3 is his birthday. I try to avoid all the April Fools stuff as it just serves to remind me what day it is. This year it has been 9 years since he died. It isn't easier, the pain just isn't as sharp.
I dread the phone ringing on either day. I always worry it is a family member wanting to talk. I don't want to talk. I just want to pretend it is any other day. Not very adult, but also the only way I get through.
So, enjoy the sunshine and the daffodils, I will be. The rest will come as it will.
Monday, April 02, 2007
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It's amazing how well you expressed your feelings on these days - unless you've been through it, you can't understand... March 16 was 20 years since my dad passed away. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of him. There are some days I wake up missing him so badly I cry and want nothing more than to stay in bed. There are other days when he's just part of the day, almost as if he's still here. I can talk about him, and to him (don't tell anyone!).
You're right, the pain doesn't go away - you say it's less sharp. I say you just learn to deal with it.
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